Think of one person who has authority over you, or one person you have authority over. When a task changes hands, does the authority to solve it travel with it, or does the task have to be solved one exact way? Jess watched the same franchise system run two opposite ways on that one question, and the difference was trust. The Trust Tell is the three-step filter from that experience: see it, own it, release it. Pick one relationship and run it both directions, theirs and yours.
Pick the relationship
One relationship, one run. A boss, a team member, a business partner, a kid. The tell works on one at a time.
Step 1. See it, their side
Think about somebody who has authority over you right now. Answer for what actually happens, not what the handbook says.
1. The handoff
When you get a task, do you also get the authority to solve it your own way?
The tell is the handoff. A task plus the authority to choose the path is one thing. A task that must be solved their exact way is another.
2. The tolerance test
Can they tolerate a good result that did not come from their exact process?
This is the whole thing. It is not about how often they check in or whether the standards are printed on the wall. It is whether a good outcome survives when the path was different.
3. The different path
When a result came back by a different path, what happened?
Did you get them what they needed without following 100% of their playbook, and did the result stand?
Step 1, flipped. See it, your side
Now the same questions, pointed at you. Most of us have been on both sides of this exact fear.
1. The handoff
When you hand someone a task, do you hand them the authority to solve it their own way?
Same tell, your hands. A task plus the authority to choose the path is one thing. A task that must be solved your exact way is another.
2. The tolerance test
Can you tolerate a good result that did not come from your exact process?
Be honest and a little brave. You will know the answer in about ten seconds.
3. The different path
When a result came back by a different path, what did you do?
Did they get you what you needed without following your playbook, and did you let it stand?
Step 2. Own it
The urge to control somebody else's process is almost never about their competence. It runs on fear. If you hold the grip anywhere in this relationship, pick the fear underneath it. Pick any that fit, or none.
Step 3. Release it
The release is the definition of done. Write what the finished result needs to look like, in one or two sentences, without describing the path.
0 of 6 tell questions answered.
Give them a pen and let them go, and do not pay attention to their handwriting.
FAQ
What is the Trust Tell?
It is a three-step filter Jess built from watching the same franchise system run two opposite ways: see it, own it, release it. The tell itself is one question. When a task changes hands, does the authority to solve it travel with it, or does the task have to be solved one exact way? If a good result that came from a different process cannot stand, the person holding authority is managing the person, not the task. The filter runs on any relationship where one person has authority over another, and Jess says to run it both directions: the people over you, and the people you have authority over.
What is the difference between a Multiplier and a Diminisher?
Multipliers are leaders who make the people around them smarter and more capable. Diminishers shrink everything they touch, usually without knowing it. The terms come from Multipliers by Liz Wiseman, the book that made Jess's old franchise experience make sense. They think they are being thorough, or protecting quality, or holding the whole system together. What they are actually doing is taking somebody else's ownership and quietly handing it back to themselves, one small correction at a time, until the person stops thinking for themselves. Wiseman's research, as Jess tells it, found teams led by Multipliers operating at capacity or very close to it, while teams led by Diminishers were accessing less than 50% of what the same people were capable of. Same talent. The only differentiator was the leader.
Why do good leaders end up managing people instead of tasks?
The urge to control somebody else's process is almost never about that person's competence. It is about fear, and usually one of three kinds. Fear that if they do it differently it might work, and that raises the question of what that says about you. Fear that if you are not the one with your hands on everything, you become replaceable. Fear that a deviation is a crack in a dam you will not be able to catch. The tighter somebody holds on to an exact process, the less sure they usually are that the outcome would survive without it, or without them. Jess puts it this way: "Rigidity isn't value. It's a symptom."
What do I do if I am stuck under a Diminisher?
You are not going to fix them. Wiseman's research is clear that most of this is unconscious, and you cannot argue someone out of a fear they do not know they have. What you can do is get out from under it, which is what Jess did by finding an environment that wanted her judgment instead of her obedience. If leaving is not an option right now, she offers one exchange that produces real data. Instead of asking what they want you to do, ask what the finished result needs to look like, and get them to say their definition of done out loud. Then build it your own way and bring it back in the casing they were looking for. If they let the outcome stand even though the path was different, you found a crack of trust to build on. If they still want every detail, you have honest data on whether it is worth staying.
What if I am the one doing the diminishing?
The release is simpler to say than to swallow. Stop managing the person and start managing the definition of done. Tell somebody what the outcome needs to be, then let go of the path they take to get there. Jess's image for it: give them a pen and let them go, and do not pay attention to their handwriting. Most of us have been on both sides of this exact fear. We hate when it is done to us, and we turn around and do it to others when we are scared. Owning that is the second step of the tell, and it is the one almost nobody wants to admit.
Does the Trust Tell only apply at work?
No. The filter runs on any relationship where one person has authority over another: a boss and an employee, a parent and a kid, a business partner, a virtual assistant, anyone you lead. The comparison trap she watched in the franchise shows up everywhere, too. Every new hire got measured against one person, one identity, one operating style, instead of against the results they actually produced. Refuse to be a copy of that person and you became a problem to be corrected instead of a person to be trusted, no matter how good your results were. The tell catches that pattern wherever it lives.
Go deeper
In Episode 27, Jess tells the story of two ownership groups who bought into the same tutoring franchise, both with engineering and math backgrounds, running the same curriculum in the same role. The first owner treated her experience and degrees as an asset, trusted her judgment calls about students without making her justify them against the operating manual, and eventually let her help run team meetings so instructors could learn to work with students better. The second group brought her in to launch a brand new location from the ground up, which she did, exceeding the franchise parent company's expectations, and then measured every person against the director who had been hired before her. Jess was told to stop thinking, stop iterating, and stop being creative, and the relationship ended because sameness was the point, not better. Years later, reading Multipliers by Liz Wiseman, she wanted to mail the second group an annotated copy with sticky notes marking every place they had limited themselves and hurt their people. She calls the fuel for that a little spite and a whole lot of impact. The episode names the three steps, walks through what to do on each side of the tell, and ends with the challenge to pick one relationship and run it honestly. The tool above runs the tell for you. The episode tells you why trust was the problem all along.
Listen to Ep 27: The Trust Tell: Why Good Leaders Manage Tasks, Not People
Book referenced: Multipliers by Liz Wiseman
"The system was never the problem. Trust was the problem. And it always is."
Related
- Episode 26: Ready is a Story You're Telling Yourself (And It's Keeping You Stuck) The Feeling Audit, the sibling framework Jess names in this episode. Same belief underneath it: the block you are experiencing is usually not the one you think it is.
- Episode 31: Before You Buy the Membership (Check These Three Things) The room test. Real proximity means someone sees your specific situation, and a community is only as good as the trust inside it.
- Episode 13: Everything You Built Before the Question (The BEAT Method) Brake first. The BEAT Method starts with stopping long enough to see the pattern clearly before you try to fix it.
Big Ideas Made Simple is a weekly podcast for entrepreneurs and fast thinkers building a business around who they are and how they operate. Hosted by Jess Webber. New episodes Mondays at bigideasmadesimple.captivate.fm.
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